She hath wings

Have you ever tried to have boundaries but certain people in your life undermine them with selfishness? You feel like you can’t go on another minute like you have been, severely depleted physically or emotionally because you have said “yes” to all the demands around you? What if you changed things in a gradual, more permanent way? What if you said, ” Enough! I will not be taken for granted!”.

The last few years have placed such high demands on me that there were times I felt like I couldn’t find a way to make things better. No guarantee of time out for myself, hardly any time for the most basic of hobbies or even a reasonable amount of sleep. One crisis in hand while another ten came to take its place.

Enter, self compassion. With the help of practical suggestions from my psychologist, I have made some positive gains lately. When the words were too much to handle, I have myself permission to walk away. When the to-do list was a mile long but I didn’t have enough energy or motivation, I took a little rest first. I picked up the hand weights and did my strength routine given by the physio, even if I didn’t make it to bed when I thought I should have been there- I didn’t want to skip  exercises that would help me long-term. If I couldn’t get all the phonecalls done and paperwork filled out, I decided to stop when I had to get another important thing done. On and on I went until I began to see what a lack of boundaries had done to my life and what small  changes could do to help me reclaim it.

Now the greatest challenge is dealing with that family member who still demands too much.  A lack of respect but full of expectations about what I should and shouldn’t be doing. I raise my hand as if to say ” Stop right there!” but the words keep coming at me like paintballs, making me wish I couldn’t feel the sting so much.

I wonder what it is that you do to manage those people who won’t respect your need to switch off or to attend to the needs of others, rather than exclusively meeting their needs? I would be keen to know. For now, I’m trying to tell them my intentions and throw off negative comments when they come. They must own their behaviour and I must keep my boundaries for my own sanity. Time won’t carve itself out for me.

©️ M. Patterson 20.6.26