She hath wings

Tonight as I sat on the end of my eldest son’s bed, pushing through comments like “stop wasting my life”, he finally snapped out of it and quizzed me on some Italian music terms. After impressing him with my memory recall, we came across a  term that eluded me, yet sounded familiar. It means, “but not too much”. It kind of sums up the delicate nature of my relationship with E-man, of late. He still wants mum, but not too much. He wants space, but not too much. He wants food, but not too much. All things are carefully needing balance, as at any moment, he may feel the need to say “go away” or similar hurtful comments.

I read a very useful piece of information this week which helped me to try once again to build rapport with my son. So often, we let our emotional injury prevent us being unconditionally there for our teen, when really, they need to know, more than ever, that we are there and we are not scared off by their big emotions. This week, I’m going to try to find those moments where E-man lets me into his world, just enough but “not too much”. It might be a game of chess or some shots at the basketball ring. His terms, his timing, his choice to let me be there for him…ma non troppo.