She hath wings

I’ve come to the end of my strength;
Will, nor circumstance enough-
My best not amounting to anything much;
I’m doing it really tough.
I tell myself that, one day “this”
Or one day, maybe, “that”;
But I keep falling on the floor
Where once, I calmly sat.
And he’s not here- he’s in pain- in there-
The one who made me calm;
Everything is not alright,
Causing great alarm.
I’ve had faith, and faith some more-
I know there’s greater good;
But right now I just need to cry;
Never mind what I “should”.
Knowing the weakness of one so strong,
Has shaken me to the core;
Sitting up in the early hours wheezing;
I could take no more.
Not even the primary care giver-
Just one who cares for so many;
I felt guilty making little complaints,
And felt I shouldn’t have any.
The last time that I saw his face
He faced the other way as I left;
I had to shake off that metaphor,
As inward, the doubts have crept.
Lockdown pending, I had to visit him promptly-
And so glad I did that day;
Never did I expect he’d have weeks of isolation,
Or that I’d have to stay away.
My own body failed me, right when I wanted
To be a dependable support;
I know though, it was appreciated-
Every prayer and thought.
And when my hands were tied the most,
I realised it’s not my story;
All of these struggles with greater purpose,
When gone through, will bring Him glory;
Yet right now I sit, tears close to the surface,
Wondering if I’ll be strong for the fight;
And this time it’s not Dad’s reassurance-
It’s God saying, “You’ll be alright!”.
Never truly alone in this world,
His help will remain with me-
No more striving - only rest,
As trusting in Him is the key.

M. Patterson © 29.7.21