She hath wings

Learning to soar above life's storms

  • Out Of The Darkness

    Out of the darkness,

    Came a new sound;

    A pillar of strength,

    Where hope was found.

    First came a forth a glimmer,

    Then creative torrents flowed –

    A heart gaping open,

    As in tears, I sowed.

    More and more,

    This new song came;

    New melody, new chords

    A new found flame.

    It mattered  not

    Whether it was any good –

    For at last, my heart

    Had understood.

    The music depended  not

    On human advice;

    The message had reached me

    More than twice.

    It reflected a mood

    And captured it all –

    The pain, the sorrow –

    The standing tall.

    And I learnt that not all

    Was lost in those days

    It was merely hidden

    Beneath the haze;

    That sea of confusion

    Of loss and great gain

    Difficult to know

    Which was sure to remain.

    No two days predictable –

    No certain fate…

    Difficult to appreciate

    Self-pity set in,

    Doubts soon to follow;

    This painful lot,

    So hard to swallow.

    Anger rose up,

    Consuming my sights,

    But I was to rise

    To greater heights;

    Only then could I

    Learn to give;

    I had to let go

    So I could live –

    Didn’t want to spend

    Another day like this;

    Such a trap to escape from –

    A lonely abyss.

    To the outside eye,

    Everything was fine;

    Surely I’d accepted

    This new life of mine!

    But all was not well,

    And daily I cried –

    Not even a place

    To run and hide.

    The music stopped;

    The song turned to stone,

    As days and nights

    Became a drone;

    An endless curse –

    For I claimed One knew best,

    Yet smiles were scarce

    And I was not blessed.

    In that sea of despair,

    I distinctly recall

    A hand, pulling me

    Out of it all.

    I asked for it to end-

    I wanted to rise,

    But seldom was there

    Anything but hurt in my eyes.

    There’s not a chance

    I could have made it alone;

    My cries had become

    A feeble moan.

    Yet out of those times,

    A foundation was laid,

    As I began to see the reason

    Why I was made;

    No greater purpose

    Than running this race,

    I couldn’t achieve it

    Flat on my face.

    So I stood, then I stumbled

    Many a time,

    Yet daily, upward

    Began to climb.

    No defining moment,

    Yet gratefully aware

    That wisdom and guidance

    Were always there.

    So I saw that circumstances

    Didn’t change a thing-

    I know now, I was born to sing;

    Here to champion Another’s cause;

    To bring Him glory and applause.

    When I clung to my wishes

    I could not succeed –

    But as I let go,

    I began to be freed.

    The crossroad reached,

    I know which path I choose;

    Worth everything to know

    I cannot lose.

    Though flood and fire

    Come swiftly past,

    These trials are producing

    Fruit that will last.

    And out of it all,

    Births a beautiful song;

    When I am weak,

    He is strong!

    Nothing is wasted –

    It’s a life being built,

    Free from torment;

    Free from guilt.

    The song will triumph

    Through laughter and pain;

    It will bring refreshment

    Just like the rain

    And only One

    Will judge the sound;

    For only in Him,

    Was the music found.

    © M. Patterson 2010

  • Celebrate Jesus All Year!

    It’s not just a story or fairytale

    It’s not just a ritual or play –

    That is what so many reduce it to

    When thinking of Christmas Day.

    We may ponder all that came about;

    The trip to Bethlehem –

    Mary and Joseph and the King

    Soon to be born to them.

    Yet all of this can seem distant, at best –

    A story from long ago;

    We get confused with Santa and reindeer

    And people singing, “Let it snow!”

    The wonder and the awe is gone

    When so often, we fail to see

    That the power of God that wrought this event

    Is working in you and me.

    We get into a frenzied state

    With shopping and food to prepare, but…

    How often do we stop to remember,

    That Jesus Christ is there?

    Are we not like Martha;

    Too busy to stop and learn

    From the One we’ve come to celebrate

    (And so, our backs, we turn).

    Looking everywhere to add

    Some meaning to this time,

    We gaze back to the rosy past

    And into it we climb.

    We remember the excitement

    When we woke one sunny morn;

    We’d venture out of bed and see

    That Christmas Day had dawned.

    Softly on tiptoe

    We would creep into the room,

    Where a tree with gifts below it

    Seemed to break a spell of gloom.

    Now one year after another

    Seems to join a train in flight –

    These days it seems that all too quickly

    Cometh Christmas Night.

    And then the season changes

    And we’re back to work or school;

    What was it that we waited for?

    So swiftly goes the Yule.

    My friends we have forgotten

    That for us, there is a Hope;

    While the rest of the world keeps searching

    We don’t need to sit and mope.

    We celebrate Jesus in December,

    But celebrate all year

    Through Jesus you have reason to

    Rejoice and be of cheer!

    The very same power that brought us Jesus

    And conquered death and sin,

    Is able to change your heart and mind

    Transforming you within!

    Let’s not make Christmas a fairytale

    That relies on circumstance –

    Let’s put God first in every day

    And gaze at Him, not glance.

    Don’t let another Christmas pass

    Without counting the blessings He gave,

    And thanking the Lord that Christmas exists

    Because He came to save.

    © M. Patterson 24.12.2000, edited 15.12.2014

  • Is There Room ?

    Another Christmas Day is drawing to a close in Australia. What a challenging year with Covid-19 and other struggles and yet, many were able to defy its sting with some festive cheer. For some, it was an impressive display of lights on the house or in the front yard. For others, the gift-giving or the meal. We were determined to put the year behind us and have some good times with loved ones.

    I cast my mind back to the Christmas story which I have been reading to my children in simple language over several installments. One thing that stood out to me this year was Jesus’ birth occurring under less than perfect conditions. Travelling on a donkey back to Bethlehem for a census would have been painful and challenging for Mary; I recall those final weeks with each of my children in the womb and how all I wanted to do was stay home. Also, Mary and Joseph arriving at their destination, only to find there was nowhere to lay their weary bodies except for a smelly stable. We would have gone to a different town and sought alternative accommodation, but they had no choice. The census was decreed and the baby was coming the night they reached their hometown. Wanting the best for our children, we sometimes buy them more than we can actually afford, yet Mary had to accept a food trough for her boy to lay in. She knew he was God’s son and that He had heavenly DNA, yet she had to humbly birth him in a smelly stable.

    I wonder, with all the build up to Christmas, did we make room for Jesus? To me, there’s an emptiness when He is crowded out and replaced with counterfeit representations of hope. Jesus did not have a fancy house or designer clothes. He did not demand the latest toys or the choicest of foods as he grew… He came with purpose – to be our Saviour so our souls could live with him forever. May we find room for Him in our hearts this Christmas and always.

  • When I was growing up, I knew from a very young age that I was super sensitive. Words hurt me or built me up with incredible ease on both accounts. I would mull over what was said, trying to squeeze every inch of meaning out of the words. I would analyse until I could go no further. Sometimes it took me down a very lonely road; there were times when I felt that nobody cared. Other times, I would soar on the wings of elation for weeks after a beautiful comment was made.

    Few words have meant more to me than those of my father. If Dad said it was going to be okay, I relaxed. If Dad said something looked good, I believed him. If Dad said something was worthwhile, I pursued it, or felt guilty for not having looked into it at least. He stopped me from making many careless decisions, all with his words.

    This week I had cause to thank him for helping me buy the most expensive pair of shoes I have ever owned. All in the name of helping my very sore feet. We had planned to go halves, but when the cost was a lot more than we hoped, he still only asked for the agreed amount from me. I wrote Dad “Thankyou xo” and I received a most unexpected beautiful reply…

    “No thank you for the privelege of being your dad”.
    I will walk for many a mile with the cushioning of those sweet words.

    18.2.20

  • For the One Who Calms the Storm

    From my heart came a cry,

    Which You helped me share in words;

    When I was weak and crushed,

    You helped me recognise the storm.

    Not from You, but for good-

    You allowed this storm to come;

    Though it damaged, You restored,

    As I came to rest in You.

    Many lessons to embrace-

    Some still to come as yet-

    But as I move on from this place,

    Your blessings I will not forget.

    For I know it is You,

    Who has made me walk again-

    Unentangled, gaining strength;

    I long for the prize once more.

    Trusting You and letting go,

    My will is dying- Yours I take-

    My strength from You, the glory Yours-

    I thank the One who calms the storm.

    © M. Patterson 1999

  • Links

    Objects from the past;

    Links to today-

    All that’s left of then,

    But now…

    Hope-

    That I’ll see you,

    And the past, not in vain;

    We’ll go on

    Stronger;

    Deeper than before,

    Trust;

    Parallel paths;

    Going the same way-

    Loss;

    So hard to bear-

    Not again-

    I couldn’t!

    You were special-

    You are;

    Wish you well-

    Want you to know

    I’ll always be,

    Your friend…

    Links

    I cannot,

    Would not

    Break;

    Come back one day-

    Till then,

    Trust that

    The links are strong enough

    Not to break,

    But to bear

    All things

    © M. Patterson 3.5.2009

  • Love Returns

    For quite some time now, I have been unable to process the swirling thoughts in my head. I was overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions I couldn’t make sense of. A friend I have come to trust for wisdom and a listening ear helped me start to make sense of it all this week. Buried memories were resurfacing because it was time to take a look at them, process them, let them go and heal. Rejection had ripped out my confidence little by little until I hid behind a mask, unable to share myself deeply with anyone – the total opposite to what I was like before.

    Now I see the dots connecting each of the thoughts I had. It became clear that I have run away from some aspects of who I was meant to be in pursuit of the comfortable. I had a huge setback in teaching when I first started so I decided I never would try to that extent again. I lost several major friendships so I decided that I wasn’t able to build good ones again. Some aspects of my health deteriorated so that I felt useless as a home maker, unable to keep up with housework, no matter how I tried. This made me stop trying to work on other hobbies because I tried to tell myself I didn’t deserve to have fun if my house couldn’t even be organised. On and on I went, pulling myself apart but not allowing myself to be put together again.

    This week, all that changed. Happier memories resurfaced and I began to dream again. I recalled some beautiful times suppressed by hurts undealt with. I even longed to see one of the people again and wondered if I could be strong enough to withstand rejection again if it should occur.

    Love can be hard if hurts overwhelm. We end up living half the life we could be living. We throw away our confidence instead of realising we are worth infinitely more than we realise. There may be opportunity to rekindle old friendships, to revisit roles we hoped to have and to overcome health challenges. Or, there may not. Should that stop me from dusting myself off time and time again? No. I don’t think so. What matters is that I stay true to the unique calling upon my life and try not to be something I’m not. I need to make my time on this earth count and love freely, unencumbered by bitterness. I think I’m slowly getting back to that. Love has returned.

  • I happened to check my WordPress account, feeling sure that no-one would have visited the site in my long absence. I was shocked to find that I was mistaken. Readers, you have prompted me to write again – thankyou!

    I have spent a number of weeks making daily gratitude posts on my Facebook page to uplift friends and family and help them focus on the good. It has been a challenge some days and other days the thankfulness flowed, but it has proven useful as a discipline for myself as well as for others. As I have posted faithfully day after day, I have developed a bit of a following and received very positive feedback.

    It’s a bit like planting my garden. Though it was a boring exercise and I didn’t see much evidence of growth at first, I prepared the soil, planted numerous bulbs and waited day after day. Now I am enjoying the fruits of my labour- Spring has come early to my front yard!

    Right now it may feel like you are just putting one foot in front of the other, life fairly cyclical with nothing much to look forward to. May I encourage you that, just like this blog and my garden seem to do nothing much at times, there are rewards for those who keep living, keep trying and keep believing that one day will be better. None of us knows how long we will be distancing from loved ones, wearing masks and abstaining from our favourite activities in and outdoors with friends and family. What I do know is that this Covid-19 won’t wreak havoc forever. We have control over the decisions we make this day and may we be willing to trust that there will be better times ahead. At first there may be a glimmer of hope, like a bulb pushing through the dirt. Then perhaps some setbacks. Ultimately though, Spring will come.