One of the most painful things I deal with, having suffered from long-term weakness since my late teens (being prone to pain, soft tissue injuries, fatigue, anxiety and low moods) is that the people closest to me don’t seem to empathise consistently. It is hard to keep getting up again to attempt a task which never seems to make a difference in the mountain that needs to be achieved, be it weightloss, exercise, housework or some other project, and yet that’s exactly what I keep doing. To not do anything is to give up. I can have a sluggish, largely unproductive day and then suddenly get a spurt of energy and yet, to some people whose voices are the loudest (usually family), my actions aren’t enough. They see the larger problems rather than the fervent attempts to improve myself or my surroundings. If they don’t complain, they omit encouragement. Perhaps it is, that even after years of knowing me, they have not walked a single mile in my shoes. Perhaps, if they did, they would celebrate the wins rather than cut my already suffering soul even further. I have been cruel to myself, comparing myself to others for so many years but deep down I know that some things are out of my control. I didn’t choose weakness, disorganised thoughts or pain. I didn’t choose to struggle so much that I couldn’t keep all those friendships afloat. I wanted to be everyone’s friend. I wanted to be that wonderful housekeeper and mother who was the dependable rock, instead of having to be humbled on a daily basis by my inability. I get a lot of satisfaction from my job I took on this year (learning assistance) because in helping students who struggle, I am imparting wisdom and empathy from firsthand experience. I celebrate the small successes so much more than I would have without my own upward climb, having a fair idea of what it must have taken to achieve them. My point in writing this tonight, is to tell all you who are hurting from the judgments of others, “You are enough!”. You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone. Your efforts do go noticed by a God who truly cares for you and sympathises with your weaknesses and afflictions. If you spend your whole life listening to those who pull you down with their negativity you will miss the encouragements sent your way to help you out and lift you up again. Keep doing all you can with whatever you have to give and ask God to make it enough. There’s only one opinion of you that truly matters, and that is His.
1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you” (NIV)